


"This Was A Mistake"

by Avengerz



Category: Star Trek, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Star Trek AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 02:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5479364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avengerz/pseuds/Avengerz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony thought he could escape his problems in space. And he did, for a while, in Commander Barnes'  bed. But Tony's own problems may be an obstacle they can't get over.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning of the End

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spookyrumba](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookyrumba/gifts).



> Written for [Zoe](http://www.amaratony.tumblr.com) for the WinterIron Holiday Exchange. She requested that our boys "say mean things to each other and/or avoid each other after a break up," and of course I had to put this mess in space.
> 
> I've never actually written this pairing before, but it was fun!

Bucky waits. He waits until they’re safely beamed off that god-forsaken rock, he waits until Steve has finished debriefing the landing crew, he waits until Bruce is finished patching Tony up, he waits until Tony’s following him into his room, grinning widely in anticipation of some ‘wow we actually survived that’ sex. Then Bucky turns on him.

“You could have died.”

The smile slips off Tony’s face. “I had the situation in hand.”

“Chained up and tortured is ‘having the situation in hand?’” Bucky retorts, a little louder than he probably should have.

Now Tony is scowling. “They were giving me good information. I could have escaped at any moment.”

“Could have-” This was new to Bucky. “So you let those fuckers torture you? You could have died!”

“Oh come on,” Tony scoffs, his face a picture of irritation. “I’ve survived way worse-”

“That’s not entirely comforting,” Bucky says through gritted teeth. He can feel his metal fingers squeaking against each other with how hard he’s clenching his fist.

Tony rolls his eyes, but his jaw is set in stubbornness. “Look, it was necessary. The greater good for all over the well-being of one, right? In the greater scheme of things, all of you are more important than me.”

It hits Bucky like a punch in the gut. His next words come slowly, low and controlled. “And what about me, huh? What’d happen to me if you died?”

For the first time Tony hesitates, his eyes searching Bucky’s for a moment before he shrugs. “Sure, I mean, I know you’d be sad and stuff, but you’d get over it eventually. There’s a lot of fish in the sea, or whatever. Aliens in the universe? Point is, I know that we’re just having some fun, and I don’t expect you to mourn me for very long, if that’s what you’re worried about. No need to wait around for my ghost to settle or some shit like that-”

It’s more than Bucky can bear, and the words tear out of him in a painful shout. “I love you, you stupid sonuvabitch!”

Everything stops. Tony looks stunned, his face frozen and pale, and Bucky forces himself to keep talking, if only to get Tony to do something, say something.

“I love you, and you still go charging off into stupid situations like that, never once thinking- never once caring how it might affect people, how it might affect me if you were to die. It’d kill me, Tones, I couldn’t handle it, it’d actually kill me, and you- you don’t even care,” his anger flares back to life at the sight of Tony’s completely blank face, “You’d run off and die just to get the glory, you’re a showman and an egoist, arentcha, that’s never changed, and you’d get your stupid self killed, and I’d-”

Tony finally speaks up, his expression now twisted into a sneer. “Oh, I’m the one who hasn’t changed? You’re the one who can’t shake off his nightmares long enough to realize that some people can actually take care of themselves-”

It hurts, it hurts like a hand around his heart, like foreign thoughts in his head, and maybe Tony sees some of that reflected in his eyes, because he cuts himself off. But quickly on the heels of hurt comes anger.

“You think you can take care of yourself?” Bucky laughs mockingly even as he steps closer, forcing Tony back against the metal wall of the bulkhead. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten how I’ve had to wake you up from your own nightmares. Still crying about daddy, Stark? He didn’t love you enough?”

Tony pushes him back, hard enough that Bucky actually stumbles. He’s spluttering with rage. “You- you- you bastard. This was a mistake, alright? I never should have fixed your arm, I never should have fucked you, hell, I never should have gotten on this damned ship. But you know the greatest mistake of all?” His smile is merciless. “You falling in love with me. What kind of idiot are you, Barnes?” Bucky doesn’t know what his face looks like at the moment, but even the horror and devastation he’s sure must be there don’t stop Tony from continuing. “Whatever gave you the idea that I might ever love you back? I’m an asshole and a playboy and you were just a bit of fun.”

“Get out.” Bucky’s voice is low and hoarse, but he repeats it in a shout. “Get out! You’re right, this was a fucking mistake. Now get the hell out of my room.”

Tony laughs, sharp and mocking. “Yeah, I thought you’d come to your senses. Have a good life, Barnes.” He stalks towards the door, which obligingly slides open.

The quiet swish as it closes again feels too quiet, too calm, for the chaos that this room has just witnessed. Left in the silence, Bucky slowly sinks down onto his bed and buries his head in his hands.


	2. A Heart Made for Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anthony E. Stark loves space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but sweet, just because I am incapable of writing without backstory.

This whole clusterfuck, Tony would tell anyone who asked (and even some who didn’t), began on Tony’s third week on The Avenger, when Commander Barnes showed up on the engineering deck with a grin somewhere between hopeful and sheepish and a mangled metal arm. Or maybe it began on Tony’s second day, when Captain Rogers introduced him to his second-in-command, and they exchanged grins and handshakes and Tony maybe got a little overexcited about Barnes’ arm and the man just laughed.

But that’s not quite right, either. It probably began three years before that, when Nick Fury showed up in Tony’s Terran penthouse, prattling on about a secret subsect of the ‘Fleet called SHIELD. Maybe it was the events of the four months before that, Obie and Afg’an and the realization that his weapons - his legacy - had been benefiting enemies of the Federation all along, that made his agreement so easy.

Even that’s wrong, though. Here’s how it really started:

Anthony E. Stark was born on stardate 2234.75, in the wreck of a failing star ship, to an absent father and a hysterical mother. His first sight is of the stars and a magnificent ship in flames, outlined in a part window. Is it any wonder his life goes as it does?

Long before Tony is old enough to understand what his birth means, who his father is, and why his mother smiles at him some days and pushes him out of the room on others, Tony knows he loves space.

He loves space. He loves with the blood in his veins, with the breath in his lungs, with the nebulas that spring to life in the dark behind his eyelids when he rubs them too hard. Down to the very marrow of his bones, Tony Stark loves space.

He traces constellations in star charts with stubby baby fingers. He builds his first telescope with a discarded cardboard roll and some salvaged glasses lenses. He studies the star systems of Alpha Centauri as soon as he’s old enough to read. He builds a prototype warp speed before he’s ten years old.

His father doesn’t notice, doesn’t care, even when he is on Terra and not searching the galaxy for Captain Rogers’ lost ship, but for a while, Tony doesn’t care.

Tony gets headaches from poring over holograms for too long, and colds from standing in wet grass late at night, watching the sky through his little telescope, but Tony doesn’t care.

“I love the stars,” he’d mumbled to Jarvis once, as the old butler nursed him through a fever.

Jarvis had smiled back at him. “Yes you do.”

Years and years later, Fury’s words will be enough for Tony to overcome his pride, to acknowledge, if only to himself, that only his desire to avoid following his father’s footsteps prevented him from joining Starfleet. And Fury, son of a bitch that he is, reminds Tony that he shouldn’t give the old bastard the pleasure.

So he leaves Old New York behind, and all the pain and regret that came with it, and enrolled in the Academy. Older than most of his peers, sure, but three times smarter than most. He made friends and learned about space and almost managed to avoid his nightmares. And then he joined SHIELD, and stepped onto The Avenger, and met Commander Barnes, and it all went to shit.

He loses Bucky, he’ll lose his friends, he’ll lose _The Avenger_. He’ll lose space.

Tony suspects that he has a heart made for breaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So clearly this isn't quite finished. Whoops. I'm gonna slide by on the excuse that I'm a pinch hitter and I fulfilled Zoe's request in the first chapter. Sure, I have way more of the story planned out, and even some of it written, but a surprise cross-country Christmas road trip left me, well, surprised, and this story is therefore unfinished. I will try to get around to finishing it at some point though!

**Author's Note:**

> I'd _love_ to hear what you guys think about this. You could hit me up here or on my [tumblr!](http://www.mistletonyfuckingstark.tumblr.com) Thanks for reading!


End file.
